Episode 34: Eviction Notice

Simon walks into Jax’s hospital room, followed by Sam and Jon, Mike and Toni.  What part about wanting to see you alone got lost in translation?  Jax asks Jon.  I asked Mike and Toni to meet us here, Sam says.  I’ve got a couple of announcements to make.  First is that I’ve bought Jax’s place.  Everyone looks at Sam.  Toni, you’re welcome to stay, but the rent is $1,200/month for your room.  Due Monday.  The rest of you are evicted.  Clean out your stuff this weekend.  What you leave is going to be mine, and I’ll auction it off on Ebay, she says with a wicked grin.  What the hell, Sam?  Simon explodes.  She shrugs.  My house, my rules.

Next item: Don Ramon and I are announcing our engagement tomorrow night.  I think that is what Jax wanted to tell you, Jon.  Dick move, Sam, Jax tells her, glancing over at Jon, who has his head down.  Which brings me to my last item, Sam says, ignoring Jax’s barb.  I love you guys.  That said, I will take it personal if you disrespect my fiance.  This includes you, Jon.  Lana isn’t the only one with a sharp tongue.  And FYI, she isn’t the only woman capable of inflicting grievous bodily harm.

There’s an awkward silence.  Just remember what Lana told you, Jon says, still looking down.  That she would marry Kostamo if she were in my shoes?  Sam questions.  Jon finally looks up at her.  I meant that you can walk away anytime before you say your vows.  And he holds her gaze until she looks away.

Simon breaks the awkward silence.  Bettina and I are back on, he tells Jax.  I got Lana to admit that there is a chance that you two would get back together.  Sam and Jon break out laughing, and Simon grins widely.  Say what?  Mike exclaims.

Get this, Sam tells Toni.  So Tom tells Lana that she’s rebounding too quickly.  He’s on your side, Jax, I could tell.  And Lana puts her head down and says that you and her aren’t getting back together in this lifetime.  And then Simon goes: shipwreck, tropical island paradise, and it’s just the two of you.  And Lana goes: you win, Simon.  Toni covers her mouth with her hand and giggles.  It gets better, Sam says. So Tom asks Lana if she could only have one book on this tropical island paradise, what would it be?  Of course, he’s thinking that she’s going to say The Bible; you know how church people are.  But she doesn’t miss a beat: 101 Ways to Build a Boat.  Mike roars with laughter and Toni elbows him.  You’ve got your work cut out for you, Simon admits chuckling.

Lana got Rolf to come, Jon tells Jax, changing the subject.  Jax grins, that would have been fun, seeing Rolf trying to fend off Bettina.  Rolf is such a cool guy, Sam declares.  He’s so comfortable in his own skin that he just doesn’t care what other people think.  Bettina’s dad asked him to pray over the meal.  He closed his eyes, had a moment of silence and then started eating.  Then he turns down Bettina’s invitation.  He’s made plans with Jenny, without telling what those plans are.  And then he asks Lana if she wanted to go for a walk after dinner.  Anyone else would think that they were together, but it’s not like that.  He just wanted to talk to her alone.  And Lana is just too funny.  Let me get my gun and my flashlight from the car.

Did he use his mind reading abilities again?  Mike asks Sam.  Sam nods and grins. Twice.  Lana told Bettina something funny, and she couldn’t stop laughing when they came back to the table.  Lana wouldn’t give her permission to tell.  So Tom says: Rolf, you may stare at my daughter.  Lana put her face in her hands, and said: "no hints".  Rolf stared at Bettina and then burst out laughing.  "Sure, hoss".  It was something to do with horses, but I couldn’t figure it out.

The second time was after he and Lana came back.  He stared down Bettina’s father after he criticized Lana.  They went at it, Simon interrupts, and Rolf just crushed him.  What did Tom criticize Lana for?  Jax asks.  He told her that she had a sharp tongue, which she does, but not in a mean way; it’s just she’s a little too forthright.

What did she say about me? Jax asks.  Not about you, Jon says.  But about the police captain.  Bettina and I were upset that Rolf knew the story of what happened with him and the Dinosaur, but she wouldn’t tell us, when we asked her, Sam says. "He’s your father’s friend, Bettina".  Tom asked her why they hated each other. And she just said “winner’s curse”, and it didn’t make any sense.  Rolf laughed, and explained that they loved the same woman.  And that’s when Tom told Lana that she had a sharp tongue.

So what did Rolf do?  Toni asks.  He stared at the man.  Did you hear what I told you?  And Tom shakes his head no, and stares back at him.  She didn’t get her gift from you then.  What did you tell me?  You shouldn’t have asked if you couldn’t handle the answer, Tom.  Whoa, Jax says.  What did he say?  Fair enough.  How did you like the chili?  And Rolf goes, I don’t have a critical spirit.  And Tom goes, and I do?  And they stare at each other some more.  And then Rolf says that Bettina’s gift is something to do with touch, with the laying on of hands.  And then he adds, a double portion of what her mother had.  And that just wiped out Tom.  I thought for sure the man was going to fall apart, but Bettina went over and grabbed his hand, and Tom told us that Bettina has the spiritual gift of encouragement, just like her mother.  And he apologized to Lana, and asked her to stay the night, and she nodded.  Then Bettina got us all laughing.  Tom and Rolf shook hands when we left.  I think he really respects Rolf now for calling him out and sticking up for Lana.  Jon nods his agreement.

What took you girls so long to come downstairs when we got there?  Simon asks. Short answer: Lana didn’t want to get up and Bettina had to use her gift.  How? Jax asks Sam.  

Let me back up.  When we got there, Bettina gave me a big hug and then we went upstairs to wake up Lana who was taking a nap.  I think her lunch with Raul wiped her out.  Lana didn’t want to get up, so Bettina and I took off our shoes and hopped into bed with her.  And Bettina told us the story of how she went back to bed that awful morning after Lana put you in the hospital, because she didn’t want to face the day.  And how she couldn’t go back to sleep and ended up just staring at the ceiling until Lana called her.  Bettina told Lana that if she turned herself in, that she’d claim to be an accomplice.  That she’d tag your mansion and smash your car to smithereens.  Simon laughs.  And Lana told her not to meddle with strife that didn’t belong to her.  And then she hung up after telling Bettina that she loved her.  And Bettina told us that was just what she needed to hear and it cheered her up.  And cheerfulness creates energy.  And she sits up in bed.  Now Sam and I are going to sing your praises until you sit up with us.  We’ll start with the letter A, Sam.  Lana is amazing.  Lana is astute, I say.  Lana is accomplished.  That’s a good one, I tell Bettina.  Lana is beautiful.  Lana is brave.  Lana is bold.  And Lana sits up and murmurs, Lana is broken hearted.  Bettina rubs her back.  I know, sweetie.  You can lay back down, Bettina tells her.  Sam and I were just getting warmed up.  Toni and Mike look at each other and grin.  And Bettina healed Lana just like that.  She gives me this sleepy smile with her eyes closed and drapes her arm over my shoulders.  I wish you were coming with us to Portland, Sam.  Can you fly in later and join us?  And I told her that Don Ramon and I are announcing our engagement Friday night.  What did she say to that?  Jax asks suddenly.  She just kissed my cheek and then crawled out of bed and went downstairs and threw herself at Simon.   Simon nods and grins at Jax.  Lana is so much fun.  I have been knighted “Valiant For Truth”.  Rolf as "Greathart”  and Jon as “Silence Do Good”.  That sounds like Lana, Jax says.  That’s a really good story, Sam, he adds.  Thanks for sharing.  He pauses.  I mean it.  She nods.

What made you decide on Ramon over Raul?  Mike asks Sam.  He likes me.  Sam explains simply.  And it’s Don Ramon to you.  Mike and Toni look at each other. What did Bettina say when you told her?  Jax asks suddenly.  I could tell she wanted to talk to me, but she had to be the hostess.  

Alright, everybody out, and get some sleep, as Rolf would say if he were here, Jax announces.  Tomorrow is going to be a fantastic day.